User:Hexedmagica/swords

A Completely Scientific And Accurate Journal of the Swords of Eorzea: Volume 1
A Masterful Account by the Paladin Cecilia Komnenos (the Liberator, Final Witness, Sister of Ash, Flamebringer, Defender of Eorzea, Nidhogg Slayer et. al.) The following is the completely objective opinions of the greatest form of weapon Eorzea has ever seen and will ever see, that of the humble sword, written by the world’s foremost authority on the aesthetic of the art of the blade that is and will ever be. Ever. Firstly there are the swords made of regular materials neophyte adventurers use, such as the bronze bastard sword and the bronze spatha, the steel falchion and the like. These are boring and not worth writing about. Sure they may be practical for slaying a variety of assorted rodents, lesser voidsent and coblyn larvae but there is no style in using them or in their aesthetic and as such will not be considered in this, the tome of foremost knowledge on swords.

Allagan Blade Found in Allagan ruins such as the Binding Coil of Bahamut. Does not look good in purple. Has some weird stupid looking orb thing in it. Was guarded by a Twintania released from its neurolinks in the Hand of Bahamut. Does not glow and is not all that pretty. Would not use again.

Curtana (Zenith, Atma, Animus, et al) Lovingly crafted by Gerolt for his favorite swordswoman in all of Eorzea. (Note: Gerolt does not endorse and nor is affiliated with Cecilia Komnenos after The Incident) One of a kind, wielded only by the author of this volume. (Has since been discarded for prettier swords) Very shine. Pure white and blue blade gives off an excellent effect with the aetheric glow gained from the infinite slayings of Garuda being summoned by the Ixal. (They never learn.) Not as pretty as Excalibur.

Excalibur (Zeta) Another weapon crafted by Gerolt for the greatest Paladin to have walked Thanalan (out of Curtana). Very very gold. Still soaked in the veritable aetheric blood of even more Garuda summonings. Incredibly glowy to the point of being a light source. Keep out of reach of children (due to the glow being harmful to young eyes) and rambunctious Ixal (because apparently killing somebody’s god literally a thousand times over many moons doesn’t endear you to them? It boggles the mind.) Has since been discarded for Almace. ("Or whatever new shiny thing has caught Cec's eye -Iae")

High Allagan Guillotine Ancient Allagan big big sword. Found hiding its pretty face underneath a rock somewhere in the Second Coil of Bahamut. Glows red. (with an awesome power) That Nael lady got really angry at me for taking it though and said something about Iae and I preventing the rise of Bahamut or some nonsense. Her spear thing wasn’t pretty enough so we beat her. Iae was screaming the entire time, I don’t know why though. Still has one of those stupid Allagan orbs on it. Blasted Allagans and their orbs.

Tidal Wave Shamshir Sword made out of Leviathan’s aether or something like that. Has a nice watery blue shine. Also serves as an easy way to get a drink when thirsty, swing the sword into the glass for a nice clean refreshing taste of highly aetheric water for endless water supplies. Current weapon of choice. The associated near drowning multiple times by Leviathan's wrath was worth it.

Inferno Faussar I’m not allowed to talk about this sword any more because apparently using a giant flaming sword as an alternative to a Culinarian’s crafting station is a “disgrace to the craft” and that I’m “ruining everybody at the Bismarck’s day.” What's wrong with using a giant flaming sword to cook your food on? You have a sword and an oven in one nice large package! Bloody culinarians. [The rest of the paper trails off into a variety of expletives and epithets against the Culinarian’s Guild, The Temple of the Fist and a philosophical question on whether one could block Susano’s sword with a codex]