Story:The End of Eternity/E8

 VII 

“So you’re leaving now, Arend?”

“Oh, are you not relieved? I’m surprised.”

“You don’t know me at all, do you?”

Arend stopped and turned to face his sister, standing in the opening to his room. She wore the same clothes that graced her body the last time the siblings had met, before the most recent battle with the enemy Keys. She stood with her arms crossed and eyes gazing over the small room in front of her with disdain. Her statement had stemmed from the small open suitcase Arend had been filling with the few possessions he owned that were not worthless to him.

“…Perhaps I don’t,” Arend stated as he turned back around and continued to pack, “but I don’t see why that matters now, either.”

“Mother and father will not be pleased.”

“They won’t even notice my absence. It won’t matter.”

“Nothing matters – that’s what you’d like to think, isn’t it?” Avdotya stepped inside the room with a shiver. The temperature had slowly continued to drop in the city, but her frigidity was not because of the climate.

Arend closed his eyes slowly and began to sigh. “Don’t speak to me, Avdotya. Not now. Not ever again.”

“Your whore isn’t here today. Have you sent her away? Or will she return again later?”

“I thought you learned your lesson last time,” Arend said as he whirled around again and threw his suitcase onto his bed. With the sudden movement came a step forward and a serious glare down to his sister’s face. “and I thought you finally understood how I felt about you.”

“I understood, alright,” Avdotya said with a tone just as threatening as Arend’s body language. Her voice cracked noticeably, but her fiercely mocking expression and diction betrayed no such weakness. “I saw just how heartless you really are. You showed that to me quite clearly, as did your magnificent slut. I only came to see my dear brother off as he goes off into the great world beyond. Not like there’s much for you to see; but maybe that emptiness fits you.”

“You never understood. You could never understand.” With a deep breath and clenched fists, Arend turned his back on his sister and continued his work.

Avdotya was not pleased by his show of restraint. “That’s what’s wrong with you. You act so high and mighty when there’s not a damn thing special about you. I know what you’re trying to do, and it won’t work. You’re just running away, but you can’t escape us or this world, as much as you want to. You can’t change things, brother.”

“You speak of things you cannot fathom with such accuracy,” Arend mused. “But as always you are mistaken. I am not running away – I am absconding closer. The world beckons to me.”

“So you’d ignore the world around you, just to go elope with your puppet and die in the gutter of some place you’ve never seen before?”

“Is that any different from how I would die here, Avdotya?”Arend closed his travel-sized suitcase and held it in his hand. Without looking back to his sister, the boy – in his school uniform still – left his room and began to walk out of the miniscule apartment. His sister followed him out onto the dreary city streets.

The two of them did not speak for a long while as Arend navigated seemingly aimlessly through the metropolis. As always, the constant groan of machinery and humans provided a loud ambiance to the city’s underbelly, and with the recent addition of low howling breezes, there was a definite and recognizable sound that matched the city’s crumbling aesthetic.

“Are you coming with me?” Arend asked simply, without bothering to look back at Avdotya.

“Of course not. Neither one of us would want that, would we?” There was nothing to say in response. The two siblings traveled in silence for another stretch of time before the younger sister broke the air between them. “I would like something to remember you by – besides my everlasting emotions of disgust and disappointment whenever I imagine you, of course,” Avdotya probed.

“You’ll excuse me if I do not sympathize with your plight. I don’t have emotions, if you’ll remember we established,” Arend said. Whether or not he was being sincere was imperceptible to the girl behind him, and she allowed the comment to slide for the moment.

“I have questions for you, brother.”

“Ask them. I do not have answers; I doubt there are any answers out there, at all, except for those one holds in their hands and can break apart. Neither you nor I have found such answers yet.”

“Is that what you’re leaving for?” asked Avdotya, on a whim. Her brother did not answer; she returned to her thoughts and decided to continue with her inquisitions. “You have answers. I remember, before we came to this city and before – well, a lot of things, before you stopped loving… You spoke to me of theories you had, and questions. I was but a child, but truthfully I remembered some of those questions. I was never able to fathom answers for them, neither was anyone else I know of – and, well, brother, I was hoping you’d be able to enlighten me, before you leave. So I don’t have to have the annoying regrets of you tainting my mind and dying before the curse could be dispelled.”

Arend still did not look back, but felt a tone of sincerity that was not usually present in his sister’s voice. Her emotions spoke to him – resonated with his soul and his own feelings – but it was the very existence of such realizations that further irritated him. He elected to further ignore them. “Carry on, then. I will do what I can.”

“Right. First off, brother – what created our world? Why is it so full of suffering?”

“It was the Collapse,” answered Arend after a noticeable pause. He rightfully assumed that Avdotya knew of such a thing – all students were taught of the Collapse, vaguely, and how they should conform to society’s will in order to prevent a second coming of such a catastrophe. “Which itself was caused by humans. I do not know what created this world –“ as he spoke, Arend thought of the Creator mentioned by Klaytaza, but did not mention such a thing he had yet to prove to himself, “but I know that humans tainted it. All suffering comes from humanity. Those of us who cannot see this truth are the true sinners.”

“You speak of sin, brother, as if you are above it. You always speak like you are above everything. Do you truly believe you’re superior to everyone – to anyone?” Avdotya asked innocently.

“No,” Arend answered without any hesitation. “I am, in fact, created of baser and more vile substances than any that walk the earth now. That is precisely why I am superior – because I sin so much more than any other human being in existence. It is our self-awareness that separates humans from machines, and it is my self-awareness that separates my status as sinful savior from typical, sinful human cattle.”

“But what is it that makes us so sinful? Is it not acceptable to follow society’s rules and attempt to live? Don’t you want to rebuild this world, and make it as pretty as the pictures in school?”

“It is our very existence that sins. Think, Avdotya, think of all the ills we perpetuate, all the distasteful practices humans have participated in since the dawn of time. Every breath we draw from the earth is another stab into its weak spot. Only the eradication of said existence can serve as repentance,” Arend stated matter-of-factly. He thought, again, of Klaytaza, and the words she herself stated.

“Is this world deterministic, then? Does our sin perdure us, or do we endure it? Could the earth live without us?”

“Could the night persist without stars?”

“You answer my question with more questions, brother,” Avdotya stated with a characteristic degree of aggravation. “I hate when you do such things.”

“You hate me regardless of what I say,” Arend stated with a resigned degree of neutral tone.

“Because you give no answers, in anything you do!”

“I told you, I have no answers. No one does.”

“Lies! You have more answers than anyone else I’ve ever spoken to,” Avdotya defended.

“No. I have only questions. Let me ask you some, Avdotya – what is time?”

“What is… time?” Arend could practically hear his sister’s face scrunch up in confusion. “What a silly question. Time is… well, it’s the force behind our clocks. It’s what we govern our lives on. It never stops, or rewinds, or slows.”

“Is it a physical dimension, or a constant? You say it cannot be manipulated, but if it is indeed everlasting, can it have dominion over everything? If it is not a dimension, can it affect space? Could something exist outside of time?”

“Brother, I… I don’t know.”

Arend stopped walking, and Avdotya walked right into him thanks to the sudden halt. With a grunt, she shoved him forward and smoothed out her clothes, but Arend barely took notice of the action. He looked down with slightly widened eyes as he realized that the questions he was asking, with their intensity rising out of his control, were questions he had not known were in his mind. They weren’t tests for his sister; they were legitimate concerns of his. They were futile attempts to give himself some closure over his newfound abilities and destiny.

Avdotya had started walking ahead of him, but upon seeing that her brother was still standing motionless, she returned to his side and looked up at him slightly. “What’s up with you?” Instinctively, an insult almost rolled from her tongue in lieu of an actual pronoun to address her sibling, but she held back the jab. Never had she felt so close to her brother before, especially not in an intellectual manner, and she was hesitant to shatter such a rare dynamic.

“Nothing…” Arend muttered. Shaking his head slightly, he adjusted the collar of his uniform jacket and looked around. The two had walked a long ways away from their apartment, and were almost alone in the darkness of the metropolis. All around them, towering buildings of darkness rose and equally dark smoke permeated from each one of them. The city’s constant murmurs had simmered slightly, but could still be heard. The atmosphere was as dark as ever, but the tranquility of the scene was undeniable in its own way.

“The train station is only a few blocks away,” Avdotya stated absentmindedly. “That’s where you’re meeting your girlfriend, aren’t you?”

Arend nodded, not bothering to dispel his sister’s naïve interpretation of his relationship with Klaytaza or even noticing the fact that she didn’t refer to the Key with a slur. “The transcontinental train will take me towards the east.”

High in the sky, looming closer and closer with speed and measured slowness, the crimson moon hung in the east.

“As much as you like to talk, I’ve really learned nothing,” Avdotya stated with bitterness. She started to wander around the cleared street, not straying too far from Arend but nowhere near as close as they were during their walk. “I should have known. You’ve been all talk for as long as I can remember. Nothing ever gets accomplished with you.”

“Nothing ever will get accomplished. Productivity is a myth,” Arend stated cryptically as he placed one hand in his pocket. With his trademark pose, he appeared to have gained some clarity of mind back, but continued to look at his sibling with bored distaste.

“Whatever. I really despise you, Arend.”

“I revile you as well, Avdotya. You and the world; and existence; and the skies; and myself.”

“The world doesn’t hate you back, though, foolish brother. It does not feel, as you think it does. It does not hate any of us. It only stands, dilapidated because of idiotic dreamers like you who let it fall to ruin thanks to their own experiments and weak ideologies. I should have realized that years ago.”

“And you’re going to change that? By discarding what I sought to prophesize? By continuing to conform to humanity’s wiles?”

“Yes, Arend. I’m going to do what you could never do, and change things my own way. One day… I want you to come back here, or wherever I am, and I want you to see what I could do with the world. I want you to see how we can fix things without asking questions about everything all the time. And I want you to say to me what you couldn’t before.”

Arend flinched as he remembered his rejection of his sister’s feelings. Still, he did not let this memory take him out of his stride, and he spoke with conclusive finality. “Anything built with human hands, including humans ourselves, is fated to a finite appearance. They will fade.”

“Nothing will fade if we hold onto it,” Avdotya screamed suddenly. She had lost control of her pent-up emotions and began to breathe with some difficulty. She ran a hand through her dark flaxen hair and her green eyes began to shimmer with moisture, but again she did not let them hinder her passion. “Arend… I cannot hold onto you. That’s what I realized when you told me you never loved me. So, please, answer one last question for me… What is it that you want to do? What is it you’re chasing?”

“The end,” Arend answered simply. He turned, one hand in his pocket and one hand holding his small suitcase, and began to slowly walk away from Avdotya Vitalis. “I want to see how the world ends, even if I have to cause it myself. To exist is our sin, and we only exist in this reality… So I will destroy this reality.”

Avdotya did not know what to say. In the midst of her unleashed emotional pain and her brother’s calloused words, she lost all inhibition and began to silently cry. As she fell to her knees, the rest of her body limp, she heard only the constant murmur of the city’s ambiance and the last words from her brother that she would ever hear.

“It will all return to nothing.”

Arend kept walking without stating another word to himself, and when he arrived at the deserted train station, he stopped. There was a presence near him – not a threatening instinct like the ones he received when in battle with enemy Keys – and it was coming closer. Very little people traveled anywhere outside of their cities these days, which made the possibility of someone else randomly coming to the station at the same time he did alarming and improbable.

Arend turned and visibly raised his guard for any suspicious activity, but even he did not foresee who would come see him off.

From out of the lonely streets and towards him walked Natalia Monomus.

It only took a moment for Arend’s expression to change from surprise to perplexed mistrust. “What are you doing here?”

Natalia let off a pretty smile and looked down from Arend’s harsh gaze. Around her petite shoulders was a dark colored shawl to help insulate her from the world’s cold. “I wanted to see you before you left. I didn’t know if I ever would, again…”

Arend looked at her for another second before turning and raising his chin into the air. He began to speak, but was cut off by Natalia’s faltering words.

“I know you have that girl you always hang around, so you probably have enough company, but… I just needed to see you again. I’m sorry…”

“Don’t apologize,” he spat. All the curious discussion he had earlier with Avdotya was past, and now Arend felt as if he was wasting his time with this girl, whom he had thought was gone from his life. “Just tell me what you’re doing here.” He had left early, and by this time of day, school hadn’t yet ended – meaning there really was no reason for Natalia to be standing in front of him.

The girl looked away and avoided his question once again. “When I caught word that you were skipping town, I just… I needed to ask you something. Please, just answer my few questions… That’s all I ask.” She crossed her arms delicately, and it was clear that she was forcing herself to press the boy like this.

Arend hesitated as he gave a glance around the deserted lot in front of the train station and idly wondered when Klaytaza would return to the station; he had sent her off ahead to arrange tickets and an accurate route for the two of them. Without her, there would be no telling if he was in danger, and no guarantee that time could be stopped outside of her presence.

Natalia took Arend’s silence as acceptance, and continued. “How has the pen served you? Did you get it to write?” She looked innocent enough whilst speaking, but Arend couldn’t shake his feeling of anxiety in the situation. He nodded a silent yes to her question, and she continued. “Amazing… I knew you, of all people, could do it. That girl you sit next to in class… Is she, well… Your girlfriend?”

“No… It’s not like that,” Arend stated with a blush. He hid his face with his hand in surprise – why was he blushing at the concept of dating Klaytaza? “Not at all. It’s… complicated.”

Suddenly Natalia was close to Arend, closer than he would have liked. “I’m glad! Only because… Well, I…” The girl’s face bloomed with color as she took a tentative step backwards. Arend said nothing – he couldn’t decide if this was really just a hopeless girl’s emotional goodbyes or something to really be worried about.

Enough was enough, he thought to himself. He had not the time for such wastes. “Do you have any other questions for me?”

Natalia cleared her throat and began to play with her hair. “I wanted to know if you’ve ever loved anyone before.”

The question had an unintended effect of shocking Arend to his core. The boy looked off at nothing in particular, and said nothing in particular. But his heart began to shake; his legs began to buckle; his eyes began to tear up. At any other time in his life, Arend would have been able to say “Of course not,” with a straight face and a humorless frown, but now – after the most honest discussion he’d ever had with his sister, the only human he was ever close to loving ¬– he felt that he could not say such things. To deny the emotion he had felt; to refuse the existence of the intellectual warmth he had felt within his and Avdotya’s consciousness; to do so would have been blasphemy. He did not hear Natalia asking the question, but rather he remembered how he felt when Avdotya asked him that very question. He remembered how painful it was to brush her off – how her eyes shed so much misery when she realized just how distant her older brother truly was – and he was still in awe at the fact that these emotions were taking him over. What exactly had happened that was bringing him back to the realm of human empathy? Hadn’t he forsaken such things in favor of his philosophical goals? Arend Vitalis was completely confused, out of the loop, and had no idea how his own consciousness was working, or why it was working the way it did. His body shook as his mind searched through itself, finding everything but the answer to nothing. As always, he only had questions, endless questions.

“Hello? Arend, are you okay?” Natalia shook his shoulder and Arend came back to his senses. She was even closer than before, now mere inches away from his face. The two looked in each other’s eyes as both their faces heated up.

Next an explosion of emotion burst within Arend’s chest, as if a flower of his mind had suddenly bloomed. He was curious, both about Natalia’s true feelings and about her body; he felt vindicated and frustrated that these had come so suddenly to him when he had thrown them away in the past; he felt pain, as he missed Klaytaza and desperately wanted her to be near him at the moment; and he felt scornful, angry with Natalia for being annoying and in his way with her contagious feelings. He saw Avdotya asking her questions before he blinked and remembered that it was Natalia in front of his face. An idea crept into his head, one that he decided to take and explore.

Wrapping his hands around Natalia’s round face, he pulled her closely and kissed her. The girl looked at him in surprise for a moment as their lips locked before she closed her eyes and melted into his arms. The kiss was not very long, but it lasted long enough for Natalia to rub her hands on Arend’s chest and open her legs slightly. Her face, which Arend observed the entire time with open eyes, was melded into a look of pure bliss and pleasure. As the kiss ended and Arend pulled away from the girl’s pink lips, her legs opened slightly and she let out a desperate breath for air.

Pushing his knee between Natalia’s legs, Arend looked sharply into the girls’ opening eyes. “The answer is no. I have never loved anyone before.”

The girl’s face lost its vizard of happiness and the breaking of her heart was clearly written on her face. She tried to say something but stuttered and only was able to reach out to Arend, attempting to hold his hand. The boy removed his hand and put it in his pocket before looking towards her with a look of pure disdain.

“I reject you and all that you uphold. Your feelings… mean nothing to me. In all the world, feelings mean nothing. Emotion is worthless.”

Natalia balled her hands up into fists as tears welled up in her eyes. “That’s why you’re alone, you know?”

“…What?” Arend had turned away to leave, but now he stopped and looked back at the girl in the shawl.

“That’s why you’re so alone. That rejection of emotion… You won’t have me, or anyone else, will you?” Her question went unanswered. “You won’t get close to anyone because you can’t get to know them… And you won’t get to know them because you aren’t close to anyone!” She sniffed and rubbed at her lips with a finger. “I don’t know what I’m saying… or what I’m feeling… But I know that if you go now, you will die. Don’t ask me how I know, but I do… So please, I’m begging you. Stay with me… Love me!”

“As if I have the time or the energy to bother with that. My existence is meaningless… And all of humanity is twisted. Selfish. A slave to a world of scars and dust. We have lost everything to time, and space, and darkness; it is time we stop resisting its holds and return. I reject your love, yes! And I also reject existence! I cry out into my people, and all of life – I reject!”

“I see… I guess there’s no reason for me to hesitate anymore, then,” Natalia muttered to herself. In a louder voice, she continued. “You push me away because of your situation and the way the world is; but if we were in a utopia, a perfect world created anew… then would you love me?”

Arend paused and his body instantly tensed up, like a rope pulled to its breaking point. In the brief moment before he turned around and looked back at Natalia, he felt every drop of sweat on his skin and heard every beat his rapid heart made. He turned and looked at Natalia, who now spoke with a completely new voice and wore an expression of uncharacteristic intelligence. He was going to ask what she said, but could not find the breath to do so once he saw her once again.

Behind Natalia Monomus was a Key to Eternity.

KEYS TO ETERNITY REMAINING: 994