User:Zadimortis/Bismarck Is Not Okay

 The air, smoke and flame. Their armor, drenched in sweat and blood. Their weapons, marred with otherworldly ichor of the flaming behemoth before them - the manifestation of a thousand-year grudge against a couple Ishgardian assholes who just had to ruin everything, way back in the joint reign of man and dragon. The choreography of their attacks had been reduced to chaotic blade-whirling, fist-throwing, and spell-slinging as they spent what they knew were the last of their reserves to take down the ultimate form of Nidhogg, the final tormentor of Ishgard. Iae yelled a syllable, and a glowing runic circle appeared on the ground. Between that and the deep inhalation of the wyrm’s blazing jaws, the signal was clear - get in and pray for dear life. Side by side, the eight warriors stood together, throwing their last, bracing for the eldritch blast that would certainly be their end-



 -but it never came. With a guttural scream, the fires of unquenchable rage dissipated, and the behemoth known as Nidhogg became the pile of ash and scales formerly known as Nidhogg. A tension filled the air as the eight of them wondered in pained hesitation if that really was the end. For some, the conclusion was more obvious than others.



 “WOOOOOO!!” screamed Vanilla, causing the party to nearly jump out of their skin. “We did it! We killed that son of a bitch!”



 Slowly, the tension in the group dissolved to cheers and heartfelt laughter - Likwid and Dragon exchanged a brofist which evolved into a brohug; Evon and Iae collapsed to the ground and leaned against each other, laughing in relief; Scubb and Vanilla broke out into their famous happy dance; the ever-disciplined Soren immediately took to scraping his blades clean of the black dragon blood. Reni’s disappearance went unnoticed for several moments, until the group, which had already started combing the gigantic, scaly corpse for workable materials, noticed Reni waddling back with a giant crate - a crate exuding a horrendous, and all too familiar, stench.



 “All right, guys! I bet you're all starving after that… what was it, six hours?” The feline figure half-dropped, half-lunged the crate to the ground and pulled the lid off. “I baked some Pipira Pira up for just this occasion!”



 <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">Under normal circumstances, the smell of the aged, overly-salted, under-fried fish was tolerable enough that the group could put on a courteous face and give Reni the illusion that he was helping. But in the still-sickly hot air, combined with the now-rotting dragon guts, the smell of the abominable box was too much for the group to handle - a fact made clear as Vanilla immediately stumbled to the side of what remained of the Steps of Faith and vomited off the bridge. The wretching noises - Vanilla was never the most elegant when it came to expressing herself - sent contortions across the faces of everyone else, who cautiously looked away from the mysterious and terrifying crate. Soren quietly cast a Huton spell, hoping to dispel the rancid odor, but only succeeded in concentrating it in a whorl centered on him, and in a few regretful moments found himself next to his wife, hurling up what remained the morning’s breakfast into the abyss below. Reni’s excited face slowly inverted to a crestfallen one as he realized what was happening.

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<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">“You don't… like my fish?”

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">“No, no, it's not that!” Vanilla said, coming up for air. “It's just that HRK-” was about all she could get out before returning to her prior activities.

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<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">“Um…” Evon started, attempting to take the reins before their beloved white mage turned masochistic. “Maybe now just… isn't a good time for fish? I mean-”

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<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">“Your pipers are fucking disgusting,” Dragon yelled, pinching his nose. “You make the same damn rotten food for us every single time we hang out! ...No offense.”

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<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">“I…” Reni whimpered, his tail sliding between his legs. “I thought everyone liked fish!”

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<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">“To be fair, man, you're half cat,” Scubb postulated.

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<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">“Doesn't mean we like <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;font-style:italic;white-space:pre-wrap;">that <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">,” Likwid muttered.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">“Actually,” Iae started, her voice piercing over the others, “I was thinking of maybe treating everyone tonight!” <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;font-style:italic;white-space:pre-wrap;">Hopefully this will be incentive for you to actually watch the battlefield and not rely on my constant nagging, <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">she thought, but left that out. “Have you guys ever eaten at the Bismarck in Limsa?”

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<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">“Whhooaaa,” Scubb started. “You actually think we've eaten anywhere that swanky?”

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">“I would LOVE to eat there,” Vanilla said, “if I ever had the money. It's, like, SO expensive.”

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">“Maybe if you didn't visit Jandelaine every other day to get your hair done-”

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<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">“HEY,” Vanilla snapped, Soren recoiling from a quick slap.

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<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">“Yo, man, I heard they served Miqo’te tail there once. Like as a delicacy,” Scubb said.

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<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">“R-really…?” Reni muttered.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">“Don't be silly!” Iae interjected. “They've never done anything that exotic!”

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<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">“Well, there was the one time when-” Evon started.

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<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">“They've <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;font-style:italic;white-space:pre-wrap;">never <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;"> done anything that exotic!” Iae reiterated just as cheerfully, a glazed smile overtaking her face, casting an innocent-looking glance at Evon that turned his cheeks white.

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<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">“Now how fancy we talking, mate?” Dragon asked. “Fanciest meal I've ever had was the time we ransacked Buscarron’s Druthers at three in the morning and ate all their roast dodo!” he exclaimed, staring off in a haze of youthful memory.

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<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">“Oh, this will be <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;font-style:italic;white-space:pre-wrap;">much <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;"> better than that,” Iae ensured. “Clean up and meet there in an hour? My treat.”

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<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">“Ooh!” Vanilla exclaimed. “I'm actually gonna eat at the Bismarck! I wonder if Jandelaine can spare a quick appointment…” she muttered to herself as she vanished in a teleportation spell. Soren sighed, shaking his head, and followed her into the aether.

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<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Evon asked. “You know what kind of a group we are.”

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">“Please,” Iae said, waving her hand. “If we can control ourselves enough to kill Nidhogg, we can survive a nice meal. What could go wrong?”

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">~

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">All traces of Reni’s earlier upset had vanished off his face as he stood before the entrance of the Bismarck, dressed in a complex wrap of scarlet damascene cloth from the Near East, and gilded red sarouel to match. Iae thought about mentioning the fact that he was exposing a rather uncomfortable amount of skin for an establishment such as this, but thought better of it - convincing Reni to cover himself was about as effective as asking a rock to dance, and besides, the amount of gold hanging from the wrap’s myriad strands could surely satisfy even the harshest critic. Shorty behind him walked in Evon, in a surprisingly dapper suit - simple, without frills, ties, or even an ornamental rose. Though perhaps it might have been a bit too plain and cheap-looking on an average guest, the simplicity suited the elezen strikingly well. She noticed a hulking figure looming in behind Evon, and craned her head to look around him - nearly dropping the menu in shock.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">Before her stood Scubb, whom she recognized in physical stature only. His already gaudy red sparring jacket he used for regular combat was replaced with a gargantuan, embroided red magenta robe, the breadth of which could comfortably fit a small Lalafell family, and which gave him the illusion of being even bulkier and more muscled than he already was. Below, the jacket transitioned into a billowing white skirt, that gave the illusion that Scubb’s torso was a magical flying castle on a wafting cloud. Scubb saw Iae’s reaction and smirked.

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<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">“That good, eh?”

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">“You look like a barn,” Dragon exclaimed, coming up from behind the foursome. He, like Evon, was dressed in a simple suit, though the wrinkles and lack of buttons, combined with the fact that it was open all the way down, gave the illusion of youthful business casual instead of dinner formal. Iae winced slightly, but expected no problems. Next to him, Likwid approached, in heavy robed armor colored a subdued red and black. Iae recognized it as fashioned out of metal they had scrapped from the remains of the Holocharts in one of Bahamut’s coils, and thought it surprisingly fashionable of him to wear such a piece of stylish gear - ignoring, of course, the fact that it had seen hundreds of bloodied battles.

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<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">Reni looked around. “Where’s Vanilla and Soren?”

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">As if to answer his question, a pair of <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;font-style:italic;white-space:pre-wrap;">fwooms <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;"> caused Reni to jump back as the two in question barged out of thin air next to the adjacent aetherlyte, along with their fervent discussion.

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<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">“Hold my bag, dear-”

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">“I <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;font-style:italic;white-space:pre-wrap;">am <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;"> holding your bag-”

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">“No, my other one, I can't reach my hair. Do you think this color matches this dress?”

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">“It's fine, just like the previous four times you asked.”

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">“I want answers, not snark, mister!”

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">“I told you it’s fine!”

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">“Glad to see you managed to make it on time,” Iae said, briefly dispelling the argument. Vanilla’s hair was done up in a bright orange bun that draped down on either side, fading to a reddish-pink that matched the pink of her exotic Thaviairan bolero - she might be the only one who could qualify as overdressed, Iae thought. Next to her, holding a pair of bags and a grimace on his face, Soren donned a wrap, similar to Reni’s, but a subdued emerald green instead of brilliant red, with much more sensible covering of skin and long white sarouel - of which Iae recognized as her own craftsmanship, a gift commissioned by Vanilla. She had noticed Reni stealing several guilty glances at Soren’s outfit as soon as he showed up.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">“Sorry we’re late,” Vanilla said as she fiddled carefully with the ribbon tied around her bun.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">“No, no, you're right on time. I've paid in advance, so we can start whenever you all are ready!”

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">“Whoa, for all of us?” Reni said, in disbelief. “How much was that!?”

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">“I'm consultant to the Culinarian’s Guild of Limsa, which operates this place. Getting us in wasn't any trouble. Though suffice it to say, it still cost more than you could afford, dear Reni. Like I said, this is my treat to you all.”

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">“You're consultant to <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;font-style:italic;white-space:pre-wrap;">literally every guild in the four nations <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">,” Evon appended.

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<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> <span style="font-size:14.6667px;font-family:Arial;color:rgb(255,255,255);font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">“Come, come!” Iae gestured in, letting a bit of her own excitement get to her. The seven of them shuffled in behind Iae, looking around at the place.